Finally 18! Part 1

I'm just a girl who is on the brink of adulthood.

The age at which a person is considered an adult and has full legal rights and responsibilities in South Africa is 18. I believe this is how it is in other countries as well-Individuals who are 18 years old or above are entitled to make their own decisions and enter into contracts without parental consent. So, is that all that makes turning 18 special? Or is there actually more than that beneath the surface? I guess each and everyone has a different story to tell and this is mine…

I am finally 18! Yay, right? I don’t know how this is supposed to feel but if anything, I can’t say that I’m excited. I feel okay, but mostly numb. Making it to this age was not easy but here I am, still alive and very much still young. Turning 18 is important to me because it’s the end of an era and a beginning of a new one-I mean, no more high school…just a whole new routine, I guess. Hopefully no more simping and most definitely, NO MORE SELF-SABOTAGING PLEASE!

For me, being a teenager is not really easy. I doubt any stage of life is easy, but I know some stages are better than others. I’m not going to bore you and talk about my former depression anymore…so you can be glad about that. I’m so over that phase of my teenage hood although I still do have melancholic episodes here and there. It’s just not the same thing. I’m in a better place in all ways possible and I think I should accept that. I believe once you get used to pain and all your negative emotions, you welcome them as though you are their home-you let them overstay their welcome of which is what I think has been holding me back. This is exactly what makes me feel “off” when everything is going smoothly or when I get opportunities that I have conditioned myself to believe that I am not worthy of.

Here are the few things that I learnt over the years:

1. Put God first. You need Him more than you think!

2. Some things are really better understood when you’re older.

3. Friends come and go; cherish those who stay.

4. Girl, bieng delulu IS NOT the solulu! (I’m talking about simping here).

5. I’ve been told “It’s Risky To Not Take Risks” and I couldn’t agree more!

6. Things really do eventually get better.

7. Losing yourself only to find yourself again is part of the journey.

8. Mean girls really do exist.

9. If you can’t do it for yourself, at least do it for the people that love you.

10. You don’t have to forget everything to actually move on.

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Disclaimer:

Anything that I write here, is of personal opinion, based on personal experiences. Thus, if you strongly disagree with something that I have stated, you can respectfully leave your opinions in the comment section and if you relate then that’s great! I’d love to hear from you either way.

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1.Put God first. You need Him more than you think!

Psalms 118:8

“It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humanity…”

It is good to have great bonds and relationships with people, however I believe that your relationship with the Lord is twice as important than any human relationship. Which is quite hypocritical of me to say because I tend to get so invested in human relationships more than my own with God. However, I am trying. I believe we all are. I’m not about to preach because I’m just a girl on the brink of adulthood, still trying to navigate the world and the space it has for my life in it.

In simple, God is always there but humans aren’t. God is capable of giving us unconditional love and grace but humans can’t-we want a reason to love someone; we don’t allow ourselves to love someone unless we feel that it is worth our time and effort. If God is at the center of it, then All Is Well!

2.Some things are really better understood when you’re older.

You know how we ask a lot of questions out of curiosity when we are young-even if the questions are not so friendly and are perhaps triggering to negative emotions because we simply don’t get “it” until were older? When we’re young (as in toddlers), we speak our minds and have no idea nor worries of what life is or what our purpose is. Well yep, somethings really are starting to make more sense to me, now that I am older.

The more we grow, the more we become aware of things-our appearance, background, use of tone and language, our purpose, aspirations and so much more. One of the things I understand better now is ukubambisana which means cooperation (especially when it comes to family).

I am a first-born daughter at home, with two siblings. It’s so hard to keep up with them sometimes; disciplining and correcting kids is not easy, but it is a must. And so, I look back at a time when I too was a child, when I did not like discipline and when my ears hated the sound of correction however, I now thank God for those vile yet vital moments of my childhood. They made me the responsible and considerate person that I am today.

I remember when I was younger, I use to visit my cousin’s house A LOT and I absolutely loved it! We would wake up to porridge then breakfast being made, the house would be getting cleaned-one aunty would be sweeping and then other one would be mopping, someone would be making our granny some Jacobs coffee and have to take it to her…basically everyone had a role to fulfill, whether they liked it or not. Sometimes I hated being sent around but I obviously was not going to say that out loud.

My cousin and I would sometimes not listen to an extent where one of our aunts would say :”Ngathi niya thanda uku thethiswa nina?!” which translates: “It seems as though you guys like being shouted at?!” and we’d just stare at her because what are we supposed to say in such situations? Absolutely nothing because it’s not that they actually wanted a response, they just wanted us to see our mistake and not do it again.

I now see that no one likes being in a house full of people and kids that could help out with house chores, but they still don’t. It’s frustrating because it makes you feel like it’s better to be alone and have your own space because that way, you can actually clean once and mind your own space without having to clean up after others that are knowingly or perhaps unknowingly untidy. I think delays in relation to growth are acceptable for kids because they will eventually get a grasp of it but not for teenagers and adults. Like, you know your role! Do what you have to do then you won’t have to deal with someone breathing down your neck for what you did not do!

Well, there’s so much more that makes sense now, but this is the main thing that I learnt from my family. It’s important to work together because no one likes doing EVERYTHING alone. In addition, if you happen to be a child that doesn’t do anything in the house because y’all have a maid or something, the least you could do is to keep your space tidy. Teach yourself somethings that you weren’t necessarily taught about. It will help you to live in harmony when in the same space with other people.

3.Friends come and go; cherish those who stay

It’s devastating losing a friend that you thought you’d never have to let go of, but it happens and that’s just life. All I can say is that don’t hate and envy them or their lifestyle just because you’re no longer part of it but just be content with the thought that there was actually a beautiful friendship once upon a time between y’all. In addition, cherish those who stay!

It is quite easy to get caught up with the past and not appreciate what’s right in front of you. Stop trying to fit your past into your future or present relationships/friendships, everybody is a different puzzle piece. I read somewhere that you’ll never find the same person twice, not even in the same person and I really felt that. So, it’s better to be grateful for who is there for you NOW before your time with them ends and you start having regrets of how you “could’ve” or “should’ve” been living more in the present moment, but you didn't.

Love them who stay! Bless them who go!

4.Girl, bieng delulu IS NOT the solulu! (I’m talking about simping here).

I am writing this as a big sis to all the younger girls out there because wow, a lot of things that have been normalized in this generation are not cute, OKAYYY! I’m about to be brutally honest and once again, please refer back to the disclaimer if you have an opinion to give.

It takes a simp to know a simp. I say this because I was, not so long ago, a simp and let me tell you, being a simp will make you do things that are not YOU. In this context, being delulu is not the solulu! In simple, this means being delusional is not the solution.

Realistically speaking, people start having crushes in Primary School and then probably start dating in high school-well, at least that’s how it was for me. We probably all get the lectures at home about how boys/girls can ruin our life and how we’re not supposed to be dating because we’ll end up pregnant or having unnecessary drama etc. However, you’ll find that some families are actually cool with the idea of their child dating, as long as they know about it. For this, I don’t think there’s any wrong or right family, I believe that families are just trying to steer you in the right direction although sometimes their restrictions and unapproachableness might be the one actually steering you in the wrong direction because of your growing curiosity of how freedom actually feels like. I plead with you to not make that temporary curiosity destroy you because it really does have the power to do so.

For me, being a simp means obsession, desire, lust, battiness and just going above and beyond for someone else (In most cases, it’s the people that don’t like you back or that might like you but just not as much as you like them). I won’t dwell too much on my own experiences because there’s always two sides of the story and well, I don’t want to play victim, but I will list a few warnings out to girls.

Warnings for girls when they are in their simping era (especially when it’s towards someone who doesn’t display mutual feelings/energy):

• Don’t let boys use you for their own pleasure.

What I mean by this is that some boys will act like they care for you, only to find out that they are being kind and attentive to you just so they can use you as means of pleasuring their lust! Especially if the only time they text you is at night.

• Don’t do too much trying to impress a guy!

If a guy likes you, he’ll like you for who you are and NOT demand change and favors. If they use the line: “If you love me, you’ll do it.” Girl run! Don’t even walk away, RUNNN! Because is it really worth it if it something that pleases him but makes you feel uncomfortable and disgusting? It’s even worse when he is aware that it’s something you don’t want to do but still persists on you doing it for him.

• If he has a girlfriend, stop entertaining him!

I don’t even want to say too much on this, so I’ll just leave a link to this other reel that simply explains why I say this…Is it going be you or the girlfriend?

This is one of the comments on that reel:

“If a woman is willing to lower her standards by entertaining a man with a woman, then of course they will like you. But you don't stand a chance of him leaving his girl for you because you're only used at the time he wants you. In other words, we (women) need to work on our standards.”

• Don’t cut ties with him just because your friends say so…

What are friends for if they can’t tell you the truth about your shitty relationships or what some people like to call situationships ? We get it, they want the best for you right, but you’ll find that in cases where you take such decisions because of your friends, when you’re not around them, you’ll find yourself going back to this gent-who will somehow condition you to believe that you are incapable of being with anyone else, let alone, yourself.

Let’s be honest, guys like it when they have some sort of hold on you-they like the thought of you being incapable of moving on without them. However, this does not apply to every guy because not everyone is the same. Some guys are really waiting for the moment you get over them because they are kind of annoyed by your affection and obsession. So, when you do find yourself going back to him, hopefully this time around you’ll get to see for yourself that you really do need to cut ties with him because you’ve now realised for yourself how toxic you guys are for each other.

I wish I could continue but this is becoming too lengthy for my liking. So, I’ll break it up into part 1,2 and 3. Thank you for reading until this point. If you haven’t subscribed, please do and don’t forget to like and comment…it really does keep a writer going. Thank youuu<3