Independence with a hint of togetherness

Sometimes all we need is a hug.

Hugging is the most beautiful form of communication that allows the other person to know beyond a doubt that they matter ~ Unknown.

HUGS SAVED MY LIFE! AND TILL THIS DAY, THEY CONTINUE TO DO SO…Hugging has a deep and poignant significance. However, not everyone might agree nor feel some sort of relation to what I’ve just stated.

The central era for hugging is usually childhood. From the time that you are born, your mum, dad or guardian gets the opportunity of cradling your tiny and fragile self, as they embrace your arrival into this world. Along with your head resting against their chest and on the crook of their arms- you find your support and safety in them who take care of you since birth. When you find yourself crying as a child, the first person who you’d run to is the same person who brought you up, be it your mom, dad, grandparents or guardian. You get the sense that their arms are more sacred than ever every time you get a chance to rest in them.

Whilst you’re young and naive, you are most likely to consider everyone your friend. Thus, always feeling comfortable hugging anyone with no sense of negative energy to or from the other individual. It is accepted that a child cannot do things on their own, that they need a helping hand in almost everything they do. It is acknowledged that a child can’t be helped by explanations nor reasons, but rather a sense of touch, which is ultimately a heart-felt hug. However, as we grow up, independence and self-reliance become key. The sort of hugs we once knew recede.

We enter teenage hood and eventually land in adulthood. This is where inevitable change occurs, be it external change or internal change. Some people grow up be hug lovers whereas some don’t, which is totally okay as we all have our own preferences when it comes to different things. I don’t recall many moments in my childhood, where hugs would make me feel the way that they do now. I guess you could say that this is the time that I feel like I need and appreciate them most.

I was offended yet did not take it personal when one of my classmates shamelessly and bluntly stated: "Hugs are fake!” Being a person who loves giving and receiving hugs so much, I was not expecting to hear somebody say such…LOL. How typical of me. Nevertheless, what she said kept me thinking the whole day and I finally came to a conclusion that she is unfortunately not wrong. However, it’s not that hugs are fake, it’s just that people devalue them. Hugging has become fashionable and is viewed as an expansive alternate to the handshake to suggest a flattering warm-blooded informality. It has grown into a sentimental token of chumminess of more or less nothing. You’d now find people that dislike one another, hugging each other, family members that have no good intentions for one another, hugging each other, friends that are secretly competing with one another, hugging each other…the list is endless. Not to say that you shouldn’t hug people that you do not necessarily see eye-to-eye with but do not take away the value and true meaning of intentional hugs from yourself.

One of our most taboo political ideas is paternalism: The admission of a collective desire to be parented which is taken to be profoundly humiliating and yet to suggest that we continue to need the proper older kind of hug. My truth is that as much as I admire and acknowledge independence, I do not shy away from the fact that I can’t always do everything on my own. There are just some things that will need a helping hand, open arms to be embraced in and an ear to listen.

I truly value community- that is where my heart is. It insists that we go on, at points, rather like the helpless, loving, caring and carefree children that we once were. Being able to value togetherness despite our desire to be independent. We’ve been too keen to exercise looking after one another when we are in our most vulnerable state or broken from our vision of relationships, yet true love is as much about sympathy for the vulnerabilities as it is about admiration for the strengths.

I remember and cherish all the hugs and the people that have gotten me through tough times and all the hugs I gave when I had no words of comfort and encouragement. Intentional and heart felt hugs make me feel warm inside, lighter and merely happy. A hug is a symbol of everything we tend to sorely miss in our hyper individualistic achievement centered culture. A hug is a chance to safely admit, for a moment, that our total dependence is on one another.

Hello to everyone. It’s been a long while; I hope you are well and still striving to be the best version of yourself on a daily. This is my first newsletter for 2023 and I thank you so much if you have made it this far with me. Remember, a writer is nothing without his/her readers and so I really appreciate every second that you take to read my newsletters. I hope you all have a lovely day…Till next time folks:)

Resources used on conducting research based on ‘The history of hugs’:

• The School of Life on YouTube.